We could. We use lies very often as a kind of social convention because it makes social situations run more smoothly. We tell people what they want to hear about themselves. But I think we can live very nicely, and actually in a much better way, without lying.

You don’t have to use the social niceties. I’m not saying you have to be blunt and mean and tell people that they’re putting on weight or tell them things that are going to be hurtful to them. But there’s a way to tell people the truth. I think the more truthful we are—the less we use lies—the more authentic our relationships will be. And we’ll have a more clear view of who we are because a lot of times we use others’ feedback to us as a way of gauging our own capabilities. If people are not giving us truthful feedback, we’re never going to have a clear sense of who we are.

I think social niceties, these white lies, are a kind of crutch that we fall back on because it’s just easier to tell people what they want to hear. But in the end, we’re much better off if we become a more honest society. Not just from a moral point of view, where I think it’s very clear that honesty trumps lying, but in terms of everyday getting along with other people. We’ll have a clear view of the world if people are not lying to us and if we’re able to stop ourselves from these everyday kinds of deceptions.

Robert Feldman is dean of the College of Social and Behavioral Sciences and a professor of psychology at the University of Massachusetts and the author of The Liar in Your Life.